We are Meant to Grow Through Forgiveness

With the passing of Archbishop Desmond Tutu this past week - like countless people around the globe - I’ve been grappling with how best to name and capture the lessons he taught us so that I can personally honor, in some small way, the man who gave this world so much.

The Arch was an incomparable example of the power (and the challenge) of holding unwavering faith even when things seem impossible. The quality of his character was evident in seemingly all of his words and actions.

He was outspoken and prayerful. He was insistent and funny. He could be angry. He could be sad. He was joyful, and his joy was sparkly and contagious.

I’ve written a lot about Tutu’s influence on me in past posts, especially as it relates to his message of forgiveness as a roadmap to peace of mind and peace between people. It’s a message that I pledge to amplify today, and always, to honor the Arch.

What the Arch has helped me understand is that to continue to grow as the individuals we are meant to become, we must make peace with the hurts that stand in our way. We do this through the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not exactly easy, but that is the point. It’s our resistance to it that actually serves to draw out surprising amounts of strength, grace, and compassion from within.

Tutu shares…

“When I am hurt, when I am in pain, when I am angry with someone for what they have done to me, I know the only way to end these feelings is to accept them. I know that the only way out of these feelings is to go through them. We get into all sorts of trouble when we try to find a way to circumvent this natural process. Growth happens through obstacles and only with resistance. A tree must push up against the dirt, the solid resistance of the ground, in order to grow. Muscles grow when we apply a counterforce of resistance against them, but first they tear apart and break down, only to become even stronger in the rebuilding. A butterfly struggles against the cocoon that surrounds it, and it is this very struggling that makes it resilient enough to survive when it breaks free. So it is that you and I must struggle through our anger, grief, and sadness, and push against the pain and suffering on our way to forgiving. When we don’t forgive there is a part of us that doesn’t grow as it should. Like the butterfly, we must become stronger and more resilient, and we will transform. We cannot remain frozen in a chrysalis.” The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World, Desmond and Mpho Tutu.

When we learn to accept our own feelings, we heal and grow as we should. When we heal, we feel stronger and more free to express positive emotions. We begin to open our hearts back up to the world. When we feel more open, we are less defensive and combative making those around us feel more at ease.

Peace is what happens when we work to forgive …. and maybe we gain a contagious sparkle, too.

We will always have the Arch to thank for that, and I am forever grateful for his life and teachings.

Love,

Molly