How to Get Unstuck

Are you stuck in an unproductive way of thinking about a situation? Or are you experiencing a particular relationship in a negative way?

Before you give up on yourself or someone else thinking things will never change….before you decide you’ll be stuck with the negativity around the situation forever, I invite you to consider doing the following:

Set an intention to experience your situation differently – we are not going to get unstuck if we don’t actually want or intend to. Awareness and intention are the impetus for change.

If our grudges look more appealing than, say, the freedom of forgiving at this moment, then that’s where we are in our journey. It’s certainly okay and likely justified to want to be in that space. In that case, the awareness is in being honest with ourselves. We need to knowingly accept how we are feeling at this stage and not expect a different outcome just yet.

But, that doesn’t mean we have to give up hope in change happening in the future. Sometimes if we stick just with the idea that things could possibly be different, life nudges us along in the direction of change. It might teach us so much that we decide that we want to, or it might hurt us so much that we know that it’s time. Can you relate to either of these experiences anywhere in your life?

Another thing that is useful is to reset how we are listening – whether it’s an unproductive conversation with another person or yourself that you are having, try listening in a new way for something you have yet to hear. It’s easy to interject with, “there she goes again”, or “I’m a screw-up.” And, with that, you’ll be stuck before a thought or sentence is complete!

It’s harder, but it can truly be game-changing to listen for things that are different. Do you hear hurt or fear as an undertone in the relationship you’re struggling with? What about insecurity or denial within yourself? Do you find that sensing that makes it a little harder to be mad?

To reset how we’re listening means we are listening to listen not to already know the answer. It means we are curious and willing to swallow our words for a second so we might hear what it is that is actually being said. And if we're really attentive we'll find clues in body language or what's being omitted from the conversation. Listening in a fresh way is our opportunity to gather new insight. There's bound to be movement in some direction from the stuck place we’ve been.

While you are open to intentions and new ways of listening, have you ever considered asking better questions than before? Our connections prove deeper when we are genuinely curious and inquisitive with each other. We can choose to ask questions to which we have already made up our mind about the answer and that put people on the defensive like, “why are you always so grumpy after work?” Or, we can ask “Is there anything going on for you that you want to talk about today?” to allow people room to say more about what they feel.

It’s definitely hard work to reorient ourselves in a stuck situation, especially if being stuck has helped us avoid facing our own pain. Still, how might your life change if certain relationships looked better? What would happen if you decided to listen differently to someone you struggled with but loved?

Just some thoughts for today. Hope they were helpful.

Love,

Molly