Find a Friend in Stress

So, it’s college application time in my house again. It is a significant undertaking to narrow down desirable geographies, write stand out essays, check proper boxes on over a dozen applications, confine big thoughts to limited word counts, remember deadlines, and prepare for today’s reality that a strong performance in high school does not remotely guarantee acceptance into the 4-year universities you are qualified to attend.

To do this all while trying to be present for and enjoy the final months of high school during a pandemic can be pretty darn stressful for an 18-year-old student.

It can be pretty stressful for that student’s parent, too. This particular parent recently found herself stressing out over the stress she’s seen her daughter under, and she’s been convinced that none of it can be healthy.

Stress. Stress. Stress.

It can be used to describe a million situations – being in a car accident can leave us understandably stressed out. But, we can also be stressed out simply trying to meet a work deadline or being late to a dinner engagement with friends.

Stress seems inevitable. But what even is it?

Stress can be defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. Sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?

But, it can actually feel empowering to consider a different definition of stress shared by Stanford PhD Kelly McGonigal in The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You and How to Get Good at It.

McGonigal shares that “stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake.”

Now, that doesn’t sound so bad!

How often do we consider that stress happens in great part because we are busy pursuing lives of substance and meaning? How often do we remember that we are stressed out about something because we happen to care?

In her book and her below TedTalk, McGonigal describes for us the upside of stress and its “transformative power”.

How do we experience the upside of stress?

It’s about changing our mindset and our decided perceptions of how stress affects us. It’s about deciding stress levels don’t have to always be unhealthy. It’s about deciding stress can enhance our lives, too.

The new science of stress says that how we think about stress matters and that the upsides include the fascinating reality of creating a “biology of courage” and responses that encourage human connection and care.

We can decide stress is bad for us or we can decide it is preparing us to tackle the challenges of college applications or work. It’s up to us to make stress our friend and not our enemy.

Take a look to learn more.

In love,