Disappointed but Good

Last night the team I was cheering for was eliminated in the first round of the PAC-12 basketball tournament currently being played in Las Vegas. I had made the trip to watch the game and was hoping the Cal Bears would play at least one more round.

In the broad scope of world events, it is easy and important to keep the loss in perspective. That said, it was admittedly disappointing. While I’m not a player or even a parent of a player, I am a parent of a kid who works hard as one of the team’s student managers and a huge fan of those student-athletes whose physicality and persistence I find inspiring.

I spoke to my son on the phone after the game – not knowing at all what to say, but resisting the urge to fill the uncomfortable silence with something sappy. “It was a horrible game. We played badly,” he said. “We’ll have to get back to work and do better,” he added. (I had to agree with that analysis and plan.)

I asked if he wanted to grab a quick bite, but he said he didn’t feel like going anywhere. We talked about his schedule for the coming days. He began telling me about the midterm that was awaiting him when he returned to campus and how his intramural basketball team had gotten a win in his absence. He proceeded to share that the school recreation center had reopened for pick-up basketball and masks are no longer required! “So things are looking up, mom,” he said.

Things are looking up indeed because once again a young person was teaching this older person a lesson in how to deal with life. I observed in what he was sharing several of the elements I know to be key in coaching people to deal with (and harness) disappointment successfully: being honest and realistic about the situation (the team played poorly and odds were they were not going to win the tournament); allowing yourself to feel sad for a time (skip a meal out with others) but not getting stuck as victim in that space (wake up and start again); acknowledging that we are much more as humans than our one area of disappointment (we all have multiple roles/interests in life); and, always finding the good (being a college student is a privilege and can be really fun).

Whether or not your favorite college basketball team has come to the end of their season, I’m sensing you are not unfamiliar with disappointment.

Here’s a little more on how to move through it and get back in the game!

(Speaking of which, I think I'm ready to head back to the arena and catch another one.)

In love and basketball,

Molly